Miles 1801.5 | We took another zero at home — chores, blogging, seeing friends, baking a pie, and sleeping in the van — not realizing how many rest days slackpacking would bring. I felt emotionally drained and overwhelmed, struggled with readjusting to home life, and had a small but telling conflict with my dad. Gratitude, exhaustion, fear about the future, and uncertainty about independence all collided, leaving me worn down and unable to rest deeply.
We took one last zero this day, not realizing how many we would have during our slackpack saga (see my next post). We did chores, blogged, saw some friends, baked a pie, and slept in the van. I had a small tiff with my dad. Nothing major, I just wasn't maintaining the respect they deserved and I was pushing to change things at home for when I finished the trail. It sort of felt like they saw all the progress I'd made on trail but maybe they didn't understand it entirely. It was hard to adjust back to regular life, too.
I was worried that when I came home I'd be dumped right back into the environment I'd left. I didn't want to be around the TV all the time, I didn't want to be living in my parents living room, I wanted to be more independent and responsible. But I knew I wouldn't have enough money for an apartment. It would be winter so I couldn't really keep sleeping in the van and relying on getting my van into someone's garage every night with no guarantees like last year. I stressed about the future.
I felt overwhelmed still and it was making me slow and exhausted. I wanted to show my parents that I was grateful for everything they'd done for me to be able to hike the trail but I also felt so tired and weak and I just wanted to sleep. I didn't want to make an effort to be positive and helpful and nice. I just wanted to sleep forever. I didn't sleep well at all this night.