Miles: 143.6 | A slow, sick morning turns into a hard goodbye — and my first real day hiking alone. Tears on the trail, frozen hands, a failed water filter, and a brutally cold night force me to ask for help instead of shrinking away. By firelight and borrowed gear, I learn something crucial: being solo doesn’t mean being unsupported.
I woke up still exhausted. I was battling a cold that I think I caught in Franklin. Stuffed up and achey I rolled out of bed at 9am (so late for me) and started packing. After we packed, Whisperer and I had a talk. We agreed that it felt like we weren't on the same page anymore and I told him that I felt like I wasn't hiking my own hike. He was faster than me and I didn't want to hold him back. We agreed to part ways that morning.
Alone, really for the first time, I started walking. I didn't know how to feel. I was overwhelmed and exhausted. I hiked two intense miles out of the NOC and began to cry. I sat down on the edge of the trail. Let the mental breakdown ensue... the tears started flowing and the ugly cry (<- edit I'm leaving this term here because I used it when I originally wrote it but I no longer believe that this is a term anyone should use. Cry when you need to. Who gives a shit if you look 'ugly'?) was real.
I felt crazy. I admitted to myself for the first time that I had no fucking clue what I was doing. I knew only where I was going to camp that night. I suddenly felt like I had to finally figure out who I wanted to be and what I wanted to be. I was overwhelmed with loneliness and freedom all at once. With the Smokies coming up, I was feeling incapable and nervous. The Smokies are a big deal! 71 miles at high elevation including the highest point on the AT.
After a call home and a good 45 minute cry I got up. I put my pack on grabbed my poles and started walking. As I gained elevation the air started to chill. I had started in pants and a fleece. I quickly had to put on my rain jacket to keep in some warmth. I was having a hard time focusing on hiking. I felt like I wasn't making any miles. I plugged my headphones in and put on an episode of the Moth that I had downloaded. I listened and plowed ahead. Some funny stories from my favorite podcast really made me feel better and distracted me from my woes and my Achilles pain.
By the time I arrived at camp that afternoon it was only 3pm. There was plenty of room in the shelter. Which Way and Next Step, a very nice couple, were already there and offered for me to set up my bed next to them in the shelter. Alone and annoyed with my tent, I obliged. I went and got water. My hands got wet and were FREEZING. I quickly put on gloves and filtered some water into my pot to cook dinner. I left my filter on my bladder and continued setting up camp. It was fucking cold. 15 degrees and dropping.
About 15 minutes later my dinner was done. I screwed my filter onto my water bottle and started squeezing. Nothing came out. My filter had frozen in 15 minutes on the table next to my hot stove. It was cold. [For the laymen/laywomen: when a fiber filter (e.g. a Sawyer Squeeze or a Platypus Gravityworks) it will no longer filter properly].
I felt like I was alone and I was nervous to ask for help. Usually I would just look to my partner (Dragon or Whisperer or Michelin) and ask to borrow theirs until I could get a new one in the next 'town' but there I was without a partner for the first time. I stepped out of the shelter with my freshly cooked ramen and called my mom again (thank God for parents, right?). She talked me down and ordered me a new filter through Amazon from her computer at home.
A few more hikers started to trickle in. After I ate my dinner I looked around and spoke up. "Anyone have a Sawyer I could borrow?" Five hands shot out with filters in plastic baggies, ready to help. I am quickly learning that the trail always provides. Soon Liam, the hiker who let me borrow his filter, and Next Step started a small fire in the fire pit. We all huddled around and blew on it to keep it going. Eventually it was too cold to stay out and we all went to the shelter to get into our sleeping bags.
I got into my quilt on my new(ish) sleeping pad with my new bag liner and tried to go to sleep. I couldn't. I was FREEZING. my body was cold where it touched the pad. The bag liner felt like a freaking jersey t-shirt. So much for the 'added 14 degrees.' Sure, I may not have been eating enough. Yeah, I had lost a lot of fat since I left. But there is no way I should have been that cold with that set up. I was constantly shivering. I got up and went pee even though I didn't really need to go, thinking it'd help me get warm.
I pulled up Guthook and found out that the next gap, 7 miles ahead, had a very well reviewed hostel. Worried about being cold and seeing the low low price and free shuttling that came along with my stay, I called Lonnie at Stecoah Wolf Creek Hostel and asked if he had any beds. He told me to call him when I got to the gap the next day and he'd pick me up.
After, I called my friend at home and he told me to get the trash bag I used to line my pack and get in it inside my sleeping bag. It would insulate me but make me sweat. After I talked to him I saw a text come through from Michelin. I called him. He offered to send me his 0 degree synthetic sleeping bag to borrow through the smokies so that I didn't have to worry about being cold. I paid the shipping and he sent it to Fontana.
I got in my bag liner, put my legs into the trash bag, and got into my quilt. I was still chilled but warm enough that I knew I wasn't going to get hypothermia or anything. Knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep and that I really NEEDED to sleep I took a Seroquel (my sleeping pill) and went to sleep.