Miles: 391.8 | A frosty morning gives way to stunning Roan Highlands views, but pain, exhaustion, and emotional overload simmer all day. Miscommunication turns into conflict, and I finally claim the space I’ve been needing, hiking late into the evening alone across balds and fences as the sun sets. Wisdom from section hikers — and blunt advice from physical therapists by the fire — forces me to face a hard truth: my body needs rest, and my hike has to center me, even when that’s uncomfortable.
My hip was killing me on this day. My IT band was very tight and pulling on my knee as well. I was exhausted and grumpy and having a hard time being around people. I followed Maverick down Roan Mountain and he took a wrong turn off f a switchback. Annoyed, I snapped at him. He had his headphones in all morning with his music loud enough that he couldn’t hear me yelling to him. I was frustrated.
We stopped on the first Bald of the Roan Highlands for lunch. I was so agitated and over tired I couldn’t explain to him that I had wanted to hike alone today and that I had been trying to hint at it all morning by suggesting we listen to our own music and go our own paces today.
I exploded. I told him he was getting on my nerves and I needed space. I felt like every time I asked for alone time and tried to make my own space away from him and the other hikers that he kept intruding. He didn’t understand. He told me that I wasn’t clearly telling him how I felt, even though I felt like I was. I asked him to hike ahead. We could meet up further north at a campsite if he wanted, but I needed time alone.
We woke up to frost on the ground. We packed quickly but woke up late because I was cold all night and don’t sleep much. The sun came out slowly and the chill quickly began to subside. By the time we packed up and left Poe and Savage were ready to go, too. They hiked with us to the top of Roan Mountain and we ran into Drop and Gemini up there as well.
We headed back up the side trail we accidentally took and back to the AT.
I didn’t articulate what I wanted clearly and I didn’t take action to make what I wanted happen. I didn’t hike my own hike. I should have.
Pissed off, he hiked ahead. I stayed at that lunch spot for an hour to give him time to put a few miles between us. When I got up to hike my hip was numb to the touch but burning on the inside. I told myself I couldn’t stop. I needed to keep moving. I could stop when I got to the next town.
I put in my headphones and listened to a podcast while I hiked the Roan Highlands. The views were spectacular and the balds created an easy up and down to cruise over. I hiked later than I normally would. The sun got lower and lower over the balds.
I felt conflicted. I couldn’t understand why it felt like no matter who I hiked with I was a problem. Like I bothered everyone and I couldn’t get along with anyone. I felt overwhelmed by the amount of time I was spending around people. My anxiety was going crazy. My depression was making every moment feel sad and numb. In EVERY moment I felt as though I should truly be happy but all I felt was tired, homesick, and lonely. I beat myself up for my emotions. I was frustrated with my pain and injuries. I was sick of being cold at night. I felt like no matter what I did I wasn’t hiking the hike that I wanted. I realized that I needed to truly be on my own for a week. Not seeing the same people at camp every night. Not being around anyone else for more than a day or two.
John asked me, “who’s number one?” Thinking he was going to give me a ‘god’ lecture of some sort, I shrugged and said I didn’t know. He looked shocked. “YOU!” He said. “You are most important out here. This is your hike. You are not here to please someone else or walk with anyone else. You need to heal and spend some time with yourself.” He was right, too. With their wisdom and a few hugs of encouragement. We said goodbye, not sure if I would ever see them again. I hiked on into the quickly setting sun.
I continued over the highlands where I came across a few fences. On the first I ripped my shoe on a seam that was already splitting. On the second I had a hard time getting over because of my tight hips but made it. On the third I couldn't get my leg over it and I just fell face first over the fence, Sofie Hagan's voice in my ears as I headed face first into the damp grass.
On the way to camp I stopped at the Over Mountain Shelter. On warmer days this shelter would have been such a cool place to stay! I ran into the section hikers from the Georgia ATC that we had met at Greasy Creek again. We had a long talk. Mary told me to hike my own hike. She told me I came out here alone, I could do it alone! I knew she was right.
I walked until 8:30pm. I arrived at Doll Flats where Maverick had chosen to camp. I set up with him. I threw my bear line. I got water. I made my dinner. We went up to where some section hikers were sitting around a fire.
They introduced themselves. They all worked in the same office, a PHYSICAL THERAPY office!
Excited Maverick began telling them about his calf and how he thought he pulled his muscle. I quietly ate my dinner. I didn’t want to burden their lovely weekend hike with work and I felt like it would be rude to ask them about my injuries. I had been looking for a physical therapist or kinesiologist to look at my leg for weeks, though.
When they were done telling Maverick about some stretches to do one of them looked at me and asked me what ailments I had. I explained my problems to them. They commended me on making sure I rolled my muscles. One of them told me to massage my IT band til I cry and that it is most certainly my IT band that was bothering me.
They said if it was burning it was probably a tear. I needed to take some time off and massage it as often as possible. A tear wasn’t going to heal with 45 pounds of pressure and over use. I knew they were right. But I didn’t want to take time off again.
We went to bed late when the fire went out.