Miles: 526.9 | A quiet, emotional day unfolds as I walk alone toward Marion, soothed by LeVar Burton’s voice and unexpectedly undone by the familiar smells of cows, grass, and pine that remind me of home. Loneliness, homesickness, and fear surface — especially as I navigate situations that force me to trust my instincts and firmly stand up for myself. I end the day in a pine grove, exhausted but proud, having claimed my space, my safety, and my independence.
I woke up to a sunny day! I didn’t get up until 9am. Screaming Eagle, Snow Plow, and Duck had already left camp and Poe and Savage were still asleep. I packed up slowly and ate a breakfast of honeybuns and Instant Breakfast mix.
I was really tired I knew that I was only a day out of town. Marion had very affordable motel rooms so I resolved to get my own room this time so that I could have a quiet and restful zero finally. I’d been having a hard time sleeping and recovering at hostels and in shared motel rooms. I walked slowly through the Virginia woods.
A bit lonely, to be honest. I listened to Levar Burton (of Reading Rainbow fame) read adult short stories on his podcast Levar Burton reads, my new favorite. His deep voice soothes me and, at times brought tears to my eyes. His story telling made me happy, nostalgic, sad, and excited. Emotions out here come and go quickly.
I ran into Grandma Shorty and Plod Along and we walked and talked about shoes for a while. Grandma Shorty was having foot troubles and I could, obviously, relate. Plod Along, like me, wore La Sportivas and loved them but Grandma Shorty wasn’t so sure they’d work for her feet. We talked about home, for them it was Massachusetts, and found we had a lot in common! I loved walking with them. Eventually we came to a big hill and I sped ahead. We roamed through forests and pastures:
I listened to Levar Burton reads. This episode he read a story called 'Kin'. The story and the way he reads it in combination with my state of loneliness that day made me suddenly homesick. I arrived to this cow pasture. The smell of cows, grass, and pine trees filled the air. The exact smells of home in early summer.
My homesickness induced from the story became extreme. Emotions overtook me and I knelt down at the edge of the field and cried. A few cows ambled toward me, confused I'm sure. I cried heavily for a few minutes as the podcast ended. I gathered myself and got to my feet. One of the braver cows came toward me as I wiped my eyes and sniffled. I reached out a hand. She sniffed it and let me pay her nose but she moved away quickly after a few pats. I thanked her and made my way through the pasture.
I've been overwhelmed with emotions many times on the trail. By far, the strongest inducer of emotions is smells. Things that smell like home get me every time. Especially if I'm alone. As much as I want to be independent and strong, I'm realizing out here that I'm very attached to home and family. And, perhaps, that's not such a bad thing. But, it is certainly a weakness on long trips...
I made it to Trimpi Shelter, passing some section hikers on the way (who I didn’t realize would one day in the future take me into their home! You’ll see...). When I got to the shelter there were only four older men there. I had wanted to camp there but I wasn’t sure who else would show up and at 4pm I still had time to find another spot to camp. I really didn’t feel comfortable camping with 4 older men that I didn’t know. I was nervous and scared after some previous experiences on the trail (which I will discuss in a more detailed personal post when I get home). I used the Privy there and went to move on.
I made my way back to the trail I ran into a guy that I had met at Boots Off. He had tried to flirt with me and get me to braid his hair. At Boots Off it seemed to be a funny joke but I had felt a bit uncomfortable. Now, alone in the woods with no witnesses, I felt threatened. I felt a fight or flight instinct kick in. Sweat surfaced on my forehead and I’d barely walked up the blue blaze (side trail) back to the AT. He said hi to me and asked where I would be camping. I vaguely told him “I don’t know, some stealth spot up the trail.” He shrugged and laughed. “That’s it? No mile you might be near?” I laughed nervously but felt scared. I told him I’d see him later and pulled out my earbuds to put them back in. He said he’d see ya and headed down the blue blaze to the shelter. I walked quickly, the fastest I had all day.
My heart was pounding. In my head I told myself there was no need to worry, no need to feel threatened, no one was trying to harm me. But my previous experiences echoed in my mind. My body had these fight or flight reactions for a reason. I had felt lonely earlier in the day. Now, I just felt scared and all I wanted was to be alone or to show up to a campsite and see familiar faces. I suddenly regretted walking alone, despite the amazing feeling independence had given me earlier in the week.
I quickly and sheepishly hiked up a hill to a stealth camp site. I gathered 4 liters of water before camp and carried it a mile and half up a hill because there was no water near the campsite I chose. If I had stayed at the shelter I wouldn’t have had to carry 8lbs of water up that hill. If I hadn’t felt threatened I wouldn’t have had to burden my back with 38lbs for an hour. If I lived in a perfect world of equity I wouldn’t have had these problems. But I also wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t be so strong. So bold. So defiant. Perhaps I wasn’t in danger today, but previous experiences were enough to justify my reaction to myself. I wondered how many other women on the trail felt this way. How many women in the world experienced this fear, this threat every day. Every woman was the answer, really, I was sure. At some point rape culture has pervaded their lives in some threatening way, whether they label it that or not.
Anyway, I’ll write a separate post about this in the future.
I chose a campsite in a grove of pines. It was on a hill but I didn’t care. I was alone and that was what mattered to me. Everyone I knew was too far ahead or behind me to be able to camp with them, I thought. I set up my tent while I listened to one last SciFi story read by Levar Burton. I set up my sleeping pad like a chair and boiled water for dinner. I wrote in my journal and put on some cheerful music. With no cell service, I was isolated and it was kind of nice but I also felt this longing feeling to call someone. I felt a little lonely and a little nervous. There wasn’t a lot of room for another tent in my little grove of trees so felt fine playing my music without headphones.
After a bit the guy I had met at Boots Off came up the hill. “Mind if I join you?” He asked me. I told him I did. “You do mind?” He asked. “Yes.” I repeated myself, strongly. I told him I just wanted to camp alone. He said, in a sarcastic manner, “Alright, Ms. Princess, I’ll go somewhere else.” With his hands in the air, mocking me. The incident frustrated me. But I tried to shake it off. He left and I went back to my journaling.
I fell asleep in the sun in my chair, exhausted. I was awoken suddenly when Nomad and Hodag came up the hill! People I knew! I was excited to see them, but I realized after this entire day of being lonely that I actually had wanted to be alone. But I let them set up their hammocks nearby. We hung out while they ate dinner and I went to bed early. They offered to share their motel with me but I really wanted my own room. I had originally planned on staying in my tent at the Partnership Shelter (a shelter similar to the Fontana ‘Hilton’ that had showers, a clothes line, and electrical outlets) but found out that the showers weren’t on yet and I really needed a shower.
1. I stood up for myself
2. Good stories
3. Spent most of the day by myself finally